Friday, November 10, 2006
This is Sam helping me paint the eaves this June. The scaffold was a spooky thing. It played tricks on me, and made me think that gravity was..well, arbitrary. I didn't know my own "down" any more, when I stood on it, on my old legs. For Sam it was a web, and he was its spider.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Maggie had decided to die at this point. She had just decided, and we didn't know. She tried to tell us, by arranging herself like a shirt, in a drawer, like some inanimate thing that she was to become. At the time, she still had something in her, though, a spirit that could not help looking.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
They look silly for me, at me. But you see them. Who are you, that they might be worth your attention, that you might be worth their silliness? Ah, that is the wrong question. Who are these incarnate songs of consciousness, these petals on the crysanthemum of self-knowing creation?
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Is the moment in which intense laughter occurs, as long as a moment of silence? According to my friend John Kellden, beauty and intensity are two other measures of time that do not show up on stopwatches. This moment has beauty and intensity, a whole day's worth. Maybe a week.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Sara, Casey, Sam, Nick. I left a hole in the moment next to Sara. As I stand to snap the picture, everyone mistakes me for the future, for some observer who might react, or judge. I am only the point where their looks converge. Nick is in the picture, but he leaves a hole in my life into which phone calls, thoughts, and prayers fly like bats in the summer night, dark against darkness. I wonder.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
My face of pleased parent and my son's face of graduating high school. I am shrinking in time and needs, while Sam expands to fill those parts of the world that are not full of themselves yet. Our conventional wisdom says the world is full. His soul, however, perches, and sees worlds where he can yet fly.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
This is a big empty modern space. There is an achievement of heightened emptyness here. That is different from merely being empty. It is a representation of emptyness that overwhelms your personal relationship to space. You disappear, along with everything else that might have filled this space...ideas, feelings, memories...
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Sunday, September 17, 2006
This was an unbearable day for Sam. The first weekend in his dorm, the first year of college, he faced demons who had not applied, or been accepted, to his college. But they were there, the dark teachers. Soon he would dance with them. Then he will make the music that will send them on their way.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
This pie was one of my best. The filling was the right consistency from the time it cooled down, the crust was flaky, and the raisens in the bottom of the filling created a mincemeat counter point to the crisp, tart granny smith apples. Making a good pie resembles the construction of a good poem, except, the pie cannot proselytize any of our idiotic beliefs to others.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
If Jung is right, and we have shadow selves that rarely connect with our consciousness, consider this: Is it possible that the laptop generation will find ways to put their shadows into the little light boxes, and conjure them at will, by, for instance, letting them live on their MySpace page?
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Urban life stretches us to the breaking point. We therefore imagine that living in the country and having painted iron door stops in the form of chickens would mean we had a simpler life, a life that wasn't stretched, but was safe, warm and bearable. If you asked the chicken, you might hear a different story.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
Saturday, July 08, 2006
This tree: it cannot make up its mind what direction it wants its branches to grow. Sometimes they seek the sky, sometimes they follow the rifts in the earth's energy fields. Sometimes they follow a sharp tailed swallow, sometimes they follow a kiss escaped the kitchen next door and wafting over to this fool, here.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
This is the second year we have planted basketball bushes under our deck. We water them with gasoline, and in the fall harvest them in the darkness wearing Knick's jerseys. You think this is strange, but you haven't tasted our fresh picked basketball jellies. They slam-dunk your palate, and set your face on fire.
copyright@2006 Jeff Beddow
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